action movie with a gay dude that’s not a minstrel show about gay dudes

how to write an action movie with a gay focal character without making his gayness part of the story or film...

imagine die hard. he talks to or about his wife, who he's having troubles with and/or is fully seperated from, or whatever... spoiler alert: i haven't seen all of them and i only saw the 2nd one from the middle... the dude could be a die hard guy. he could be at the end of his cop-rope or detective rope or personal trainer rope if you want to make it more "believable" for soft-homophobes, then he's on his way home with roses or kenny rogers roasters or a new lathe if we want to make his never-seen-on-screen bro-man-lover kind of butch, too... then BAM he's thrown into a hostage scenario in the small florida panhandle town credit union building where all the rednecks store their prepper-gold they bought when limbaugh and that one fox news guy that’s not on fox news anymore were like "this shit's the best! it's fucking gold, bro!" and they all did that shit because the one jew they ever liked was milton friedman so they're going to be broke forever while they wait for the rocks they traded their lifesavings for become valuable again the next time some right wing asshole tells everyone to buy gold...

then the gay-hero, or gayro(registered trademark. i called it.) for short, especially if he's into Mediterranean food and spooning with a dude, is all like "oh no, i can't let these folks lose their lifesavings" and then it’s suspenseful action movie time as the rest of the plot is slowly revealed that it’s not just a regular-ass gold heist, it’s some other thing entirely and he saves the day completely out of neccessity and then he goes home and his bro isn’t home. his bro’s somewhere else. he’s a hero, and his bro’s not there to talk it out and crack open a modelo especial with. he’s all alone, but he’s the hero.

now THAT is how you write a die-hard movie. OH, AND CARL FROM FAMILY MATTERS HAS A WALKY TALKY. sorry, i was excited. yeah, that dude’s there and he’s not a cop, he’s just a dude with a walky talky and he keeps the cops from rushing in cuz he’s like “YOU CAN’T DO THIS, YOU HAVE TO TRUST MY BUDDY IN THERE!”

and THAT is how you die harderer than die hard ever died.

it’s called “this movie is going to be awesome, look at these explosions in the trailer and let’s end our prejudices together.”